I'm not dead, but This year has been a whirl wind of realization and changes.
Well Technically early admission. It's a program where seniors in high school attend college like a freshmen in college earning college credits but also earning high school credits at the same time. It was the biggest decision of my life.
I was torn away from the ability to see my boyfriend and friends as consistently as I have, and experience my senior year. When I hear that we were on our own, I never thought that that also meant I would never be informed about any Graduation things such as my yearbook, cap and gown, or prom things. Luckily I had friends to inform me.
On the upside I was able to earn half of my AA for FREE. I've mentally grown quite a bit being around older people that are actually serious about school. The atmosphere was a ton calmer, which I believe cleared up my face from my horrible acne. I guess it was just all the stress and hormones involved with high school
I got a job busing tables at a Chinese restaurant. Sure it's not the most glamorous job, but I get paid over minimum wage at least. I love my coworkers and I've learn so much about my culture and how to socialize with strangers on a day to day bases. Prior the idea of speaking to adults scared and intimidated me to no end.
The mixture of work and going to a completely separate school from my boyfriend was taking a toll on our relationship. We had different schedules for work too.
3 years. Three years of my life was spent dedicated to loving this single person. I was basically with him for practically four because we were together since the middle of our freshmen year. We went through our highs and our lows.
We were complete opposites. Music, food, tastes, likes, dislikes, and personality-wise. We believed that it was our strength. We were wrong. We realized we had grown into completely two separate people with different paths to follow. Ironic because of how typical it is of high school sweet hearts to break during graduation time.
The health of our relationship turned sour. I wasn't able to give him the proper attention he deserved and wanted and he never stuck with his promises to me. Every night would end with a phone call of misery as one or both of us would leave upset.
I had seen the end coming near. So many signs were put forth, but I still had a death grip on the shred of good memories and hope. After he brought up how he lost his love for me due to those reasons, we mutually agreed that breaking up would be the better for the both of us. Now it is time for me to let that shred go, and I will.
He was my High School Sweetheart and first of everything. Despite many regrets, I've experienced and learned so much being in this relationship. Now it is time to move on. Coming out of it, I learned how to respect myself, not be a pushover, and to be less naive.
It's time to start a new chapter of my life as I enter a university and move away from a county I've lived 18 years of my life.